The SS@ is now going to review me so they can attempt to terminate my benefits since I got a degree. It's what they do to disabled people. They punish you for accomplishing things and trying to integrate into society. The constant message is that you're bad snd can be terminated from yoir benefits unless you remain isolated and segregated with your kind of people. It is awful. I feel very stuck.

I've begun the purge of fake f@ceb00k friends. I'm down about 15 people. I think if you live within 5 mIles of me. Yet I only see you randomly at grocery stores or at best once a year to see a movie you probably aren't really into knowing me, and I'm not into calling you a friend anymore. That's where I'm at. No family and next to no friends. No friends in my town, at least. People suck. My conservative friends are really into telling me what to do and how to feel. It's pissing me off.

My stomach hurts again when I eat. So I haven't been eating much.

I'm exhausted by everything. We will have a housing inspection soon. My landlady wants to renovate this house with us in it...we want to move, but cant. It's pretty miserable all around.

I'm trying to feel happy, but it's hard when you're facing life alone. I'm the girlfriend who gets to tag along because my boyfriend got invited somewhere and they realize it might seem odd if they ask me to not go too. But I go and get ignored. Or I get asked to do things for people. Because I'm a friend, so it means even if i dont see you for years, you can ask me to buy things to help you meet your quota, or ask me to volunteer for your organization because you want to make it seem like its doing great for the press, or you need free editing so they remember me and ask me to edit every piece of first draft crap they write.

But I'm done. I'm done with being used.

I'm tired. I want a friend.

~e