Depression is setting in...plus it's really hot and muggy. My neighbors are throwing parties, and my bf's neighbors are throwing parties, and we know a lot of people and I don't really want any of them around. My bf got invited to a party though, tomorrow, but i wasn't directly or indirectly invited, so i'm not going. He wants to go and likely will without me.

I have socialized two times this year...all in May.

i have several books i want to write, but this isolation drives me insane. It was easier handling being isolated when i didn't actually know anyone.

My bf is being pissy again. He is upset that his house isn't getting fixed, but he refuses to do anything, like call people, to go fix it. It's getting annoying, really.

I painted his closets last weekend, and my back has hurt since then. I still need to paint the shelves, but it's almost done. It'll be nice to be able to put things away.

I keep thinking of how my friends aren't friends, and in fact, i can't say they ever really were. There were a few that i went to their house when they had parties, but never just to go over their house. Other people just went to go to their houses, but it was never that open with us.

Not having friends or family is getting to me. My mom is almost 66. She's the only family I've ever known. My siblings still are acting like i don't exist. I'm tired of existing my own self.

really, though, i should be writing my books. I feel stuck though. I am stuck.

~e