Today I googled my mom's past, being a h0llyw00d hippie, where she lived on teh streets due to her adoptive parents kicking her out the day she turned 18. I found pics of the places, and stories shared by others who lived there, many who she remembers their names and at least semi-knew. Both of my parents were/are very unique people who lived very unique lives.

I sometimes wish i'd grownup in [email protected] my bf who did lets me know I wouldn't have enjoyed it, really. I probably would have developed agoraphobia in kindergarten.

I like to think everything happens because you are supposed to learn something from it...not necessarily enjoyable experiences, but experiences with insights and knowledge you need to meet and connect with people you haven't met yet but who you are supposed to know. Idk...

I'm kind of pissed at L@ right now too, because my bf has a bad cold, thanks to L@, and I have been at my house, pretty stuck, with a cat who isn't sleeping. We know now that my poor cat has another eye infection. He is pissy, and i bet it hurts like hell. I hope the vet calls first thing. My poor old kitty.

At his place, before it was obvious it was getting sick, he bought a 7 foot fake tree, decorated it with his and my decorations, and candycanes and new rainbow lights, and the aluminum foil covered cereal box cardboard star I grew up with my mom lifting me up and my taping it on the top of my Christams trees as a kid. It makes me want to make decorated gingerbread people and shapes for decorations like we did too. My bf said his mom did the same and remembers how they weren't actually edible once they cooled off.

At my place, we don't have a single Christmas decoration, but we got our place fixed though, and we finally have hot water after 54 days without hot water. What a pain in the *** that was. Oddly our water bill did not go down at all despite not taking any showers, and not really washing much due to the water being so ice cold. I have been suspicious about the city swindling meters and i think that was just confirmed.

But it is finally over, for now, new fridge, new furnace, new waterheater, led lightbulbs throughout the house, I can actually see and shower.

Hopefully we will be able to move sanely next year.

On Tuesday I had a 3 hour assessment for my in home care, which is painful to endure. I was trembling afterwards. Imagine having to tell every single thing physically and mentally wrong with you and everything you cannot do, and why and when, and how it feels, and what you do to get by, and how much a failure at life you are every single year, to multiple different agencies just to get services. There really has to be a better less degrading and less stressful way of going about this.

I have another 2 or 3 parts to go over soon, but she didn't feel I could handle a behavioral health and other assessment on top of what i'd just endured.

I am still debating going back to college, only because of having to do so through dvr and deal with the mean P@ss lady again, and I will be enduring harassment due to changing my college choice, even though it would be a better degree. Everything I do in life has to be preapproved by an able-bodied person who doesn't even know me in order to determine if they agree with my doing it, and if not, i am screwed. I have a month to do it if i am, and interviews to prep for and plans to sound confident and make myself seem rational, which I don't at all feel lately.

I really should just stay home and write my books and do what i had planned to do before i went to college...

I should also sleep...it's after midnight and I really hope the vet calls at 8 am.

~e