lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Wednesday, Jun. 06, 2018 - 5:00 am

=*=


This month has been a great disappointment. I feel like time is ticking away. My bfs house is a mess and his tortoise is adding a ridiculous amount of unneeded stress.

As is his ignoring needs of me, his house, his job...it's frustrating. As we head towards 2.5 years of his owning his house, and he still hasn't done anything more than fix up my room. Nothing.

And we have found 4 roaches in 3 weeks. God I hate those things.

And he claims he has no money, even though I know he does. He has zero ability to budget anything. And he doesn't.

So I feel frustrated. Really frustrated. And stuck between this place where I am trying, but getting inadequate support in general. And no one is keeping in touch from school...they are too busy. It's just how it is.

So I sit on f-book, because I can't do anything in my bfs house without his assistance, and then because I feel depressed about everything else I don't have energy to do what I need for myself.

Also, my bf has these new neighbors across the street who allow their pets to roam freely. Animal control even got called when their dog was running around. It's an issue...basically ladt night their cat came in this yard and ate the momma bird who was nesting in my bfs patio cover. So now the male bird keeps calling for her despite all of the feathers. And I keep trying to convince myself the babies, who were borderline for hatching, wouldn't have made it anyway...my heart just breaks though. What awful timing...

Despite being on break I still have a lot to do for school. I have a small list of placements to do an internship...but the thing is that I feel like I am lying when I say anything good about myself. And I struggle with my inabilities and lacking things and lacking people I need to succeed.

I know I've done some great things. But I also know not being able to drive is a huge issue...esp in this town.

I have more to say, I'm sure...but can I say life isn't feeling so good these days and i feel really lonely sitting here by myself all day and not be judged as being negative?

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky... - Wednesday, Jul. 18, 2018

If wishes were horses - Tuesday, Jun. 26, 2018

Fish out of water - Sunday, Jun. 17, 2018

To unexist - Monday, Jun. 11, 2018

Endless Diagnoses - Friday, Jun. 08, 2018