I have to be up in 4 hour's to go to my internship that I'm tired of going to. I am going to be tired. I can't sleep. It's the fucking time change messing with me. And the stress of everything I need to do is making my tummy funky.

The weather keeps flip-floping. The cold and humidity are making everything in my body ache.

I've spent over $200 on clearance clothing and clothes at Ross. I've gained another pant size this semester. And now wear size large shirts. I'm at least 60 lbs too heavy for my spine.

But my boobs are now so big it's become a huge problem. It was always a problem but now it's affecting everything I do. I can't even see down when I walk. My spine does a weird clicking thing when I move a certain way now.

I got a B for a midterm grade in my awful practice class. I should be happy...I'm not. I have so much to do in 8 weeks. My DeeVeeArr counselor did an odd check in on my progress...because despite my having to report to them twice a semester they had no idea where I was at with it. The guy is annoyingly enamoured with my straight A's. I told him I'll get a B at some point bc this is all killing my health...he was of course concerned about that, and horrified that the mean PASS lady won't grant an extention beyond July 2020. Even though it's a program and I can't do anything about that. He said he will do what he can to assist even if I have to lower credits below full time...which should be comforting but really isnt. Because all of me wants to drop this.

My prof. Tried to talk me into taking 12 grad school credits and being done by next summer...the idea of being done sounded wonderful. So I briefly entertained that thought...but in reality, I'm partially blind, with limited transportation, no family support, no money, maintaining 17 disability and living benefits, and with an elderly mom and now frighteningly aging cat (shadow is now 14).

I'm becoming anti-social. As in, not wanting anything to do with anyone...

I had to do a check in with my care coordinator too (because these proams all think you have several hours a week to blow and want to assure you are using your free time being monitored). So I told her whats up too.

At this point I'm trying to get rid of my PASS...the thing I fear is that the SSA will no longer consider me protected and in a work plan, even though I will be through DeeVeeArr. So...the SSA could and likely will harass me, which I feel would be the final death blow.

I asked for my summer books list...but they won't have it till the week before classes start if even then. So I'm likely going to have to pay for my summer books myself. I hate summer classes, and I only have two to choose from: advanced research or group work. I feel really ill from even the idea of a summer class.

But here I am...

This body will collapse at some point.

~e