My classes started, and I have one Prof. who is actively denying me my accommodations, and taking them literal. When i say things like "i ask for the syllabus because I need things that are typically in a syllabus, like assignment information" assignment information is lacking in her syllabus, si asked for it, but she throws a quote from my accommodations back at me of 'I've complied with your accommodations'. So I still have no way to plan for a single assignment in that class and no way to determine if i will make it through, or if i need additional accommodations. All of me wants to drop this program, these people are awful. These are the kinds of s0c!al w0rk3rs I have avoided, and hated, and despised and I am stuck with them. Terrible people who seek positions of power so they can have control over people.

My other professor is easily close to 75 years old. But he is trying. He has no technology skills, and my class is online, but he was very kind when he spoke to me after class today. And I have no worries at all bout his class. He is actually going out of his way to accommodate me. More than he needs to.

My school so far is continuing the position that prof's can do whatever they want...they've done this to students forever, bc my bf and at least 15 others i know who graduated went through it. they weren't forced to be online though, which makes it that much worse.

My bf came home in a weird mood today. I fell asleep, likely due to low blood sugar and depression. When i woke up an hour later, we went to make dinner, and i was getting things ready, and he starts pushing me to do others things, and i ask him to please be patient because i can only do one thing at a time...and he starts talking at me in that same weird voice where it sounds like he is talking at me like a baby, but with an added tone where he thinks i'm dumb as a pile of rocks. So i ask him why he is speaking to me like i'm stupid, to which he gets offended and denies, and...he hasn't spoken to me since. That was over 3 hours ago. I guess i'm just supposed to let him talk down at me in weird, degrading, baby talk.

So i feel really, really alone right now, in a way i don't need to be feeling. And i feel this way despite the fact that a lady from my summer class emailed me, excited to see me online today, and saying she wanted to text me but she lost my number and to please send it. She is in my classes again, and wants to re-connect and catch up...that feels seriously way too normal for my life, overall, but especially right now. And that fact feels really depressing.

So i'm not sure about any of this. I despise one professor, and really appreciate the other one. I have no support to be doing this, from my mom, my bf, most of my friends, or my school...I'm also nowhere near close to completing the incomplete class, but maybe if my having to fight everyone to do their jobs would stop, i could get a start on it.

I also want to sit outside, while it is still warm, but there are literally widow spiders everywhere. I go outside and kill 5 at a time and feel grossed out and go back inside.

overall i don't know what to do...i have no good way out of any of this.

~e