At 3pm, my bf message me from work asking if I needed to do anything after work, which let me know he would be staying after work, without pay, yet again. 80+ hours of unpaid overtime and growing, he has only been able to reclaim one days worth of hours so far in the entirety of September, because he has to write reports, minutes, email back, etc.

So, yes, I need to...and he knew that...yesterday he took me late, right before closing, to get my 15 year old cat some wet cat food and new senior dry cat food because he cant chew anymore. I'm not sure if he has a bad tooth or what, but he has lost all of his weight, and its terrifying how frail this once monstrous 15lb cat now feels. He still has an appetite, though, he just wont chew. So he swallows the dry food whole, then throws most of it up.

So I need to get a new small dish that is easier for him to eat out of. But...I wont be doing that now. My bf has to "volunteer"...after work...unpaid. Doing mandatory work, yet again...I'm tired. And I'm not sure of what to do about any of it.

I was going to eat, right as he called me yelling at me asking why I'm so upset about his overtime and if I want him to quit right now...I wanted to say yes, but he was already yelling at me.

My energy isn't as depleted as it has been. But I am still really depressed. And I have no motivation to do my school work. I"m struggling to lie to myself that they really care about anything in this grad program. They give the minimum possible in teaching or being available. But they expect us to do the maximum possible despite not having any needed resources. Everything is outdated. I am using many of my bf's same books...he graduated 7 years ago. And they were used books he bought. /the online databases are so poor that google scholar has more material, than what my school pays for. I want out of this, but I feel stuck. And delusional that i will ever be employed longterm.

I wanted to write more, but I have no memory of what exactly...I rescued a spider from the toilet, and yesterday in my kitchen I killed a male widow who was inside my house and ran across my kitchen floor.

I'm really sick of widows...

~e