I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I'm staying to myself as much as I can. I'm tired and adapting, not so we'll, to a new course and confusing course and internship requirements. And I'm adapting to an online only internship where I'm not entirely lost, but feel like I'm out of place and disconnected. And partly disinterested in the mission and objectives...because I know how bureaucratic institutions run by governments are.

I made a mistake of jokingly saying I'd "sleep in" Wednesday because of an extra meeting I need to attend on Monday and my bf told me never disclose or joke about that. I'm really not designed for this shit...society is a two faced underhanded crock of bullshit, and I'm here in a body that hurts so badly after the move that I can't sit upright. I'm shifting and squirming in the 3 hour online zoom meetings, which I know looks unprofessional, but I'm not supposed to say anything. About anything. Which just makes me feel like why am I bothering doing this? I'm going to get fired once I get out there. And I can't work enough to get health coverage. And I'm stuck with nowhere else to go.

This, where I am now, in this situation with these final 11 credits, and requirements in online courses is my only option.

I'm not doing so well.

~e