I'm feeling randomly not good. The right side of my lower jaw also swelled up lastnight. It kept me up all night and it still hurts. Aleve is taking the worst of it down a notch, but pain is pain..

My bf is also looking drained and had me check his temperature which was normal. He really doesn't look so good. And he's getting weird pains too.

Today we got a bunch of food by pick up orders, to hold up a while. Numbers of Covid here are rising back to early summer numbers. It's not surprising. The plaza downtown is as packed as it normally is. As are restaurant patios. And the farmers market. There's no distancing. Not everyone wears a mask. I want nothing to do with any of that.

Today as we were driving back, there were B!den supporters on one side of the street and Agent Orange supporters on the other side. If I knew that prior to when we drove past I would have rolled down my window and yelled at them to fuck off, but flipping them off as we drove by was definitely a highlight of my year.

What a shitty year. It's been shitty since 2014, increasingly, and unbearable since 2016. I'm at a point where I can't handle this latest version of 'suck' though.

Much of my issue is resources access and school not working right. My internship is not doing what is needed. No communication. Inadequate learning nad assumptions that I know what to do..I don't know. I'm literally learning. I feel underprepared and under supported. And lost and all sorts of stressful things.

I feel uneasy and anxious.

Plus I really hate z00m.

And everything is taking 2 to 4 x more time than normal.

And I can't get away. And I can't find peace here in this tornado because I would prefer cleaning and organizing and having a nice place to live. But I lose my strength and feel weak so easily. And then I have no energy to do anything else. And the last thing I want to do is homeowork. And yet that is what I need to do.

I really want a cupcake. I have no time or energy to make that happen..

~e