I am really loving the fireplace scenes on Youtube. I am also getting drunk, because I can't handle life and my paper isn't written because...well, covid is making everything stressful and time consuming. So, what I really wanted was port or sherry, because I don't get 'stupid' drunk on it. In fact I get really contemplative and analytical. But I don't trust the bottle of sweet sherry that possibly has been in our possession longer than this house (5-ish years). So I found some Corazon tequilla, opened, and smelled it and tasted it, and its fine...I had one remaining lime that hadn't gone rotten, and agave syrup and ice and there you go...means of getting trunk enough to pull an all nighter and finish this damn paper. and stop being depressed, because i can't feel sad on tequilla, my ancestral DNA parties on tequilla. I feel fucking happy and everything gets bright. The world could be ending (it is ending) and I don't mind going down with the crashing world, as long as I'm drunk on tequilla, I'm riding that dying horse into the setting sun...2020 is the dying horse. Good god this year.

I had to again tell my internship that i have issues. She called and left a near two minute long message apologizing. She most commonly says "that's the nature of the work"...no, no it isn't. not by default it isn't. I don't do last minute things very well. I need to plan...there is absolutely no planning happening. I had a very sobering? (for lack of better word) talk with a very pissed off bf about maybe quitting this internship and finding one that is more...organized. for now though i have to ride what is essentially a sinking ship.

i took this week off. I have no regrets for doing so.

But I need to get back to writing.

~e