I finished Christmas cupcakes today. I'd made the cakes yesterday and the frosting this morning. I sprinkled with Christmas red and green cupcake decorations. They are in various holiday themed papers, and they are very pretty.

Today we made posole too. In the slow cooker it took 8 hours.

We finally replaced the livingroom futon cover that had torn earlier this year, and I'd purchased a new one. The amount of moving things around to make that happen is a bit sad. But we did it.

My bf got me some nice gifts. He didn't have time to wrap them and to be honest I really didn't mind. He put them in a large bag and handed them to me one by one. Explaining why he'd gotten them. It was actually kind of sweet.

He got me two really nice hoodie blankets, different kinds but both very soft, and they will feel good to wrap myself in when I'm in a lot of pain. New slippers with little fuzzy hedgehogs and stars on them, and new face masks, and holders to help make masks feel better to wear.

Last week I really let him have it. He seemed really confused, we'd discussed his absolute lack of affection. His response was "well, I don't think I'm not affectionate towards you, and I am still very attracted to you, but I think I'm not expressing that enough or in ways you'd like me to". And since then he seems to be really trying. How long it will last I have no ideas this is a long standing problem.

I didn't get my bf anything, which he already knew, because all of my money went to my share of required living costs, and the rest went to my Shadow kitty's needs he had a self warming mat coming, vitamin meal replacement, and other stuff he needs.

Last week it seemed like he wouldn't make it to New Years. He was despondent, with a flat personality, is still losing weight after having lost half of his body weight. He hadn't cleaned himself since the surgery to remove his tumor (benign). So I bought him vitamin paste. It has one days worth of fats and calories and some vitamins like potassium and iron in each teaspoon, which he needs.

This week he actually fought me really decently while.giving him fluids, but he was still worrying me because he still hadn't cleaned himself for the past month and wasn't interacting any.

Well today my mom sent me a video of him cleaning himself, very lightly, but still trying. It made me feel so good to see him coming back, however little the ways are.

He can really go at any time. His kidneys are actively failing. He doesn't enjoy getting fluids at all. And I'm trying to buy things that will counteract it as much as possible to help him feel better. I'm thinking the vitamins must have started really helping. It's going to make it hell to give him fluids. It already is..but it was a Christmas gift that he felt good enough to clean himself a little. I still am holding onto hope that he will make it to age 16. It's killing me that he will one day not be here. I start crying every time I think about it. But he's always had a very strong will to live. He still has that.

Tomorrow we have food orders and mail to get and a few small errands to run.

Other than this it's been extremely cold here. It got down to 7 degrees a few days ago, with a high of 22. Hopefully it will warm up soon. If not I have these really snuggly blanket wraps to keep me warm now.

~e