I feel and am really alone. I feel equal parts sad, and exhausted from the past year. I'm now the elected ch@ir of a committee here, and I feel bad even giving direction or guidance. Everyone else on the committee has so much more than I do. Family, friends, opportunity...and I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. And like I'm faking everything I do. And just waiting to disappoint everyone. It's not even just imposter syndrome...it's 'i shouldn't exist' syndrome. And I'm not sure we can handle the new time amounts, which is half of what we used to be able to have.

We've been killing black widows on the back patio, all week..there are dozens. And more in the side yard. But we're mostly afraid of them getting in the house. They have before.

My newest body annoyances are the spot in my spine that usually hurts everyday now itches, and my left knee pops all day...getting up, standing, walking, etc. It feels wrong.

And I have no energy to cook. But I wish I did. I just don't feel well. Overall.

I'm just tired.

~e