I did something stupid on Friday. I'm here trying to organize my life, still not moved in fully because I don't have physical capacity, and my bf is not helpful at all. He just gets mad at me. So I'm trying to buy things to help me. And just not telling him. So I tried to buy a shelf to organize my bathroom things...this house has almost no cabinets. No storage, and an odd layout with tiny rooms. The only option is "up".

But I went to buy a shelf, and I was tired and not thinking and pissed off over a few things...and when I hit to pay I immediately regretted it because the information in my PayPal account is not what is in the invoice. The email is an obvious fake email and the page to do customer service is an obvious fake website...which I didn't notice at all.

And now they have my PayPal email, my address, my phone number...and I'm here moving emails and passwords and removing credit cards from accounts, establishing credit freezes to my credit reports, and waiting for my life to fall apart for the remainder of this year.

I won't have the strength to fight someone. I have literally nothing. And I'm dependent on benefits that will terminate if someone steals my identity. And that sucks right now. I don't know what to do really.

I'm here trying to not freak out, but PayPal won't remove the transaction. Because I did it. Even if i didn't know or realize I was paying a fake website and a fake company that doesn't actually exist.

So I feel screwed. I am screwed.

And I'm giving up on organizing this house. It's a mess. It's just how it's staying. I have no one to give anything to anyway, so why I have any possessions is illogical. It's all going in the trash when I die. All of it. Yet I'm attached to things just the same.

I'm giving up.

~e