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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2021
Friday, Dec. 31, 2021 - 1:50 am

=*=


My thyroid medication has stopped working in full. I no longer feel better than I did 3 weeks ago. I feel awful. I feel unstable standing, weak, lethargic, tired, achy, nauseated again. I've had migraines again and today it took me almost an entire minute to remember what a can opener is called. I've been needing to call back a grocery store director since Monday, but I can't think and feel anxious...

We went shopping on Sunday for groceries, which will again become exceedingly rare as the new variant spreads, as we are already at a 61% increase in positives since yesterday. But as I got to the checkout, their system crashed. The manager had no clue what to do. She asked me if I had another way of paying, when I said no she asked everyone behind us, they all said no ... instead of being helpful she walked away, got on the loudspeaker announced the system was down and store is closed and went to close the front doors. She had zero sense of helping any of us deal with the food issue. So we left without groceries. An hour of energy to shop, for nothing, and I've been exhausted since then. Half of what I'd bought was the last item available. The shelves were mostly empty.

I've had to do 4 pick up orders this week to get most of what was in my Sunday grocery store order. Stores are out of so much still. And I'm still limited to using my SNAP for pick up orders at just two grocery stores. Limiting me even more.

So, anyway, I feel really stuck as to how bad I feel as my primary care dr seems to want to manage my thyroid herself, and I'm here just wanting to know why I'm going through this when nothing is possible except for a brain tumor in the pituitary gland area or an autoimmune disease attacking my thyroid. I feel like I have a right to be tested by an endo Dr and have answers.

We have finally gotten a light dusting of snow, first real snow this winter, but it was so little it melted by afternoon. We are supposed to get more snow by Friday, from 3 to 6 inches. We are so abnormally dry here that even though I won't be able to breathe I look forward to it.

Christmas was extremely hard. I just missed my cat. Like crazy levels of missing Shadow. And feeling bad about things I can't go back and change, but would if I could. I'm not looking forward to next week. I'm going to be crying my way through to one year.

I keep thinking of how he let me hold him, snuggle him, kiss his head, he greeted you everytime you came home. He even often waited by the door for us to come home. He was such a great cat. He was aware, and alive. I just miss him and his incredibly soft fur so much. How lucky we were that he chose us to go to all those years ago.

Ok this is all I have energy for. I'm crashing again. Badly.

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

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