Yesterday D went through the colonoscopy, and I helped him with the way I do prep that is easy on your system and works better than their directions. Everything is fine as far as cancer. He at least doesn’t have any of that. And they did find what he's going through, so hopefully he will get the meds needed to heal all that is going on soon. None of this is pleasant stuff.

My thyroid has begun thoroughly kicking my ass. But I'm ok as long as I literally don’t do anything - don’t shower, don’t cook anything, don’t organize anything, don't write anything, don't try to think. Yesterday though, it took 2 hours for the colonoscopy to be done done, start to finish, and that time I had to speak to the driver, who is also a neighbor.

I was feeling stressed, didn't sleep very well, and even with her being understanding, the 2 hours of a conversation, we were definitely not discussing cheery things, but it was nice to talk to someone in-person. But all of that thinking and speaking has left me absolutely flattened, lacking energy, even more depressed, even more sleepy, and just plain wiped out today.

At the end, when he was ready to leave the clinic, I tried to get out of her car (same kind of car D has, but new), and I stopped and laughed at myself, because I had no idea how to open the car door. My brain literally forgot how to open a car door. I stared at the door and said out loud "How do I open the door?" She being a good person didn’t even think I was incapable of opening the door, she just thought it was locked. As soon as she went to unlock all of the doors (which were not locked), and the sound of the locks clicked, my ability to remember how to open a car door came back.

it's hard to not feel really disturbed by things like this, even when you know what is likely causing it.

I have about 4 more weeks to go to get bloodwork done that isn't influenced by the 7 weeks on the thyroid meds, and I'm sure I can do it, as long as it doesn't get much worse than this. What I'm not so sure of is having ability to get my dr to test all of the thyroid tests possible to be able to rule out causes, or identify why I felt so much worse on the meds. To get me an ultrasound and make sure there are no nodules causing this.

if I could just sleep the next 4 weeks, that would be great.

~e