Wanting to die but knowing it's likely just my thyroid is utterly absurd. It's depressing and absolutely stupid. In equal parts.

And I'm there.

I have no desire to do or buy anything.

My bf has also completely withdrawn and has no interest in anything outside of his own ass, literally. I get that he wants to heal and all, but it's clear where his priorities are and being in a relationship with me isn't one of them. It hasn't been one of his priorities for a long time.

More I read about thyroids the more hopeless it feels. It's not incurable but I don't have any money. And everyone's suggestion is to see specialists that insurance doesn't cover, and order special compounds from Europe, and eat a diet with no gluten (already am), no dairy, soy, or sugar...I'll go gnaw on some cardboard for dinner then. That isn't the least bit interesting to me to do. I'm already half dead, and food especially snacks, is one of very few enjoyable things I have in life.

Today Buddha kitty had a turd stuck to his butt, and as went to remove it he was squirming and crying and not at all scratching or anything mean. In response to his crying, mama kitty stated crying too. So we sat there with the wretched smell of poo, laughing at crying cats.

I'm not sure what to. Things feel pretty hopeless and lonely right now.

~e