lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2021
Saturday, Apr. 02, 2022 - 2:12 pm

=*=


I got most of the blood work done. It all came back normal range, but barely. My thyroid is remaining just under high, high is 5.0, I'm 4.778. So idk if they'll allow me to take medication. There's no reason so far for any of this to be happening. No antibodies tests are positive or high.

The only thing my bloodwork found is that I also have some form of hyperparathyroidism. My levels are very high. My calcium is literally .1 under high enough on their high scale, and my vitamin D is always low. I can never take enough to get in normal range. I took 50,000 ius for 6 months and got from 6 to 19, still deficient, and it just makes me extremely ill within a few weeks of taking it regularly.

I've been this way my whole adulthood. Yet Drs just keep telling me to take more vitamin D, and I end up feeling more nauseated and being forced to quit taking it. I've been through this 5x already.

So I basically now have everything for subclinical hypothyroidism with obvious severe symptoms and normocalcemic primary hyperparathyroidism or secondary hyperparathyroidism, with obvious severe symptoms.

If it's primary it's from a parathyroid tumor or inflammation. I just wish I could know what's causing my thyroid issues though. It's destroying my body. And I feel like absolute death.

I need to know why I'm going through this...I don't need even more diagnoses. But that's all I'm getting so far.

My bf took his meds and...itcured his issues, but now he doesn't want to have sex because it can cause issues, which he won't know he has until he has sex, so he just isn't so he won't have to possibly experience them.

And I feel too exhausted to fight him. I can't. His excuses are painful and personally devastating, and I'm keeping my distance from him. Ask much as I can. I can't handle rejection and this is rejection.

So if I could just lay down and die right now I would. I feel pretty close. I also wish I could rip out my heart so I could stop feeling altogether.

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

cancelled - Monday, May. 09, 2022

boundaries - Wednesday, May. 04, 2022

Round and round and round - Sunday, May. 01, 2022

drifting, falling, floating, weightless, calling, calling home... - Thursday, Apr. 14, 2022

The sun is gone but I have a light - Wednesday, Apr. 13, 2022