I'm stressing badly. I was supposed to see an endocr!nolog!ist today, after waiting 6 months. But this morning the county the clinic is in declared an emergency status for residents there to prepare to evacuate from the fire that is about 5 miles from the city. with the 40 minute drive to get there, it wasn't safe enough to go there today, and I also wasn't sure, with my asthma, that I would be okay being in that smoke. they determined they couldn't actually do a telehealth appointment, and then cancelled on me.

My rescheduled appointment isn't until the second week of August now. And with my primary care Dr refusing to adjust my medicine dose unless the endo approves it, I'm not going to be feeling better anytime soon. I'm trying to not panic, but I kind of am panicking.

the fires have been terrible. They are now less than 20 miles away on either side of us. The smoke is randomly terrible. At one point the larger fire was spreading at a rate of 1 mile per hour, but luckily that has lessened since then. I'm also getting lung pains.

This week we had bright gold california poppies, and blue columbine bloom in the yard. I want the lilacs to bloom, but they haven't yet. I also want to grow more things, but i have to watch the water bill.

i havent had energy to make more cupcakes, and i'm not looking forward to anything this month, including my b-day.

it's just hard right now. really, really hard.

~e