My mom has been throwing everything out without asking me if I need or want anything first. She doesn't say a thing, and when I ask where something is or that I need something, she says she threw it out. A $300 vacuum cleaner...among them.

I have asked her first, for everything I've given away, if she can use it. I'm clearly a complete idiot for doing so. I've given her my laptops, a couch, clothing, a table, a coat, I ask if she wants things I bake and I bring her some. Clearly I'm on a one way street. And everything she gets goes into the trash, apparently. My cat's things too. She's just throwing everything out without asking me first.

There's nothing I can do about it. I have to accept that she is already dead in so many ways. She doesn't care about anyone, or think of anyone but herself; she's cold, uncaring, unfriendly, judgmental of everyone. She refused to take a photo with me when we stopped by Camel Rock. When she dies I will have nothing of her...so I just am stopping considering her my mother now. Because when she does die it will be meaningless. She has no emotional connection or feelings for me.

And the issue is I've been telling her to tell me before she throws things out or gives things away, and she still doesn't. She just acts like I don't exist. She doesn't even support me emotionally. If I try t go to her she just gets critical of me and tells me I need help...yeah I need a mom. I don't have any other family. So...that's it, I have no family.

My mom is acting like she isn't my mom. My dad's side are too busy doing drugs and think I'm a traitor for going to college so they won't speak to me at all. My mom's adopted side are all dead, and never considered me family to begin with, and her biological family wont acknowledge we exist even though I know they know at this point.

I feel really alone. I'm here trying to get my health back, and my mom just undoes it with the stress she is causing by being so selfish.

She has no will, and I don't have the money or ability to go to probate court, so it's all going in the trash anyway.

How's that for a symbolic and literal meaning of your mother's life?

I give her cupcakes and cinnamon rolls, my laptops, and she throws everything out. She hasn't gotten me anything for my birthday or Christmas for years, and I get her dozens of presents. I ask how she is and if she needs anything when i go to the store. I spend days of time at her medical appointments making sure they are doing what is necessary. But I'm stopping now. I can't do this anymore. I don't have a mom. I can't even sort of go to her for anything, or get anything I need in return. When she dies it wont make any difference to my life. She's already not there.

~e