lillian m. blakey moon_window




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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2021
Tuesday, Aug. 02, 2022 - 10:18 pm

=*=


I have no support outside of strangers I've never met on the internet. And increasingly more and more of these strangers are arguing or complaining about things or discounting needs so that I just know I'm not supported by them either. In the grand scheme of reality as it is with the Xtian Right trying to turn this country into a theocracy...no I don't care that there are songs that use the word crazy.

That just makes me never want to write anything again for as long as I live, including here. And burn everything I've written in my entire life.

So again I'm alone, wanting to focus on the real issues a d fighting for real systemic changes and policy updates. We have real fascism happening and becoming increasingly popular. They are eugenicists and we are not on the good list.

I really should just get off the internet. Increasingly I just feel ill from all the squabbling on the left, and the right disgusts me in full. And I wish I had one person who I'm related to who wasn't toxic, mentally ill, addicted, or an enabler. But that's the entirety of everyone I'm related to. It appears my mom's side are pretty extreme religious conservatives...makes sense since her dad raped her underage mother, and who was also his wife's youngest sister. What are they hiding...well us. We exist from that.

Then my bf is still having health issues and can get great care and is just avoiding them.

I'm trying like hell to get my providers to listen and care and having to wait 9 months to see a specialist.

I feel like I'm about to lose it. I started feeling so ill tonight I had to lay down.

I was up early this morning getting blood drawn and arguing with the lady who claimed they don't do certain tests there, and yet it was done before.

And DVR has begun to harass me to go to work or they're dropping me. Dropping me means the social security administration can harass me or even terminate my SSI.

I really can't guarantee I'll make it to 2023. I'm here, but it's day to day. My health is better on the brand name thyroid meds, but insurance won't cover it past August. And that's it. And my depression is much much worse, and my being disinterested in talking to anyone at all is pretty set. I'm avoiding everyone at this point. I have nothing positive to say. This house is falling apart. I have nowhere to go.

~e

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

My sweet Penny girl - Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022

Anhedonia - Friday, Sept. 23, 2022

Pointless - Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2022

climbing - Friday, Sept. 09, 2022

it's people... - Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2022