They say when you need help and support to reach out to people you know and to professionals...Penny's passing the way she did has made me need help and support...now.

I have a care coordinator, who told me in a very judgmental way that I'm taking it really hard. No empathy, sympathy, or caring.

My psychiatrist hasn't responded to me, after messaging her for help and support last week and telling her why.

I have a person I semi-consider a friend, who just said cats choose how and when they go...I do not not think Penny chose to die that day from suffocating to death...she was terrified until she lost consciousness.

The other person who reached out to me can't do anything, but she cares to some extent. But I don't know her very well.

and the people I've told on my committee have been far less than supportive. they just have said it sounds like i need more support than I have....then silence.

Otherwise no other people I know here even said anything to me. Once again the only people who said anything kind at all are all people I've never met.

I really don't blame people for dying by suicide. It's a joke that anyone will really care if you do or don't. They'll care for the sake of social obligation and asking why the person didn't reach out, even though they likely did...and just got ignored.

~e