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last edited on June, 13, 2012 - 1:18 pm
I sign my diary entries with �~e� because my name ends with a silent �e� and I�m giving a voice to my silent e. :-)
Because of my life, or lack of life, and being so severely isolated from the world for so many years I discovered that it has led to an immense appreciation of people, nature, wildlife, and just being able to live. Any day I can successfully and without too much panic go outside into the world, is a very good day. Any day I get to see, or better yet � play with, an insect � butterfly, praying mantis, beetle, etc. is a good day. Just getting the opportunity to feel the wind in my hair, or feel a textbook in my hands, is more precious than I can say, because it means I�ve come so far from where I was. And I still have so far to go.
My three main dreams, for my life are as follows. I refuse to judge them, or say I can�t do it. It may take till I�m 92, but I�m sure I will get there some time before I die. I�m stupidly ambitious, for being a mostly housebound female, but it�s my opinion that that is what dreams are for, and if you�re going to dream, dream as big as you can.
Acting - my love of Theatre, Opera, Broadway and Independent Film, etc. has been with me throughout my entire life. It�s what I told everyone I was going to do when I grow up, since age 2. I was the girl who got beat up at school for telling the boys I was going to be a movie star. And the girl who played dress up at every opportunity. And the girl who exchanged autographs with my friends � for when I got famous, and just in case they did too.
Writing � I've loved creative writing since I was 4 and recited poems to my friends that I had thought up, but my deep love of writing came at 14, when I was falling apart, and had no one to turn to. My journals and poems were my friends, along with the books on the shelf. Although I have to say, as a very young girl, my abilities to write creatively were astounding, and my teachers did note that. I�ve since realized this as a dream, to be a published writer, and to write my autobiography, to write poetry, to write novels, maybe plays or films. I�d like to think I developed my disorders, not to suffer necessarily, but to have a different perspective, so that I can use my experiences to teach others what I�ve learned in my life, *because of* my severe suffering.
Getting Married � this one literally the only selfish dream I have. This one is mostly because of the fact that when I do, it will be the first time in my life I�ll belong to a real family, even if it ends up just being my future husband and I. It�s my hardest dream to let go of, it�s been with me almost as long as the dream of acting. I sometimes think this one keeps me going.
Over the years, I�ve gotten to know some amazing people online, because of my journals. And it is for them, that instead of stopping writing, I keep going�it's sort of become the only way of bridging the distance between us all.
You guys know I love each of you�