lillian m. blakey moon_window

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About Me



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Sunlight on Earth

� Copyright 2006-2012
Thursday, Jun. 08, 2006 - 6:31 pm


AGORAPHOBITCH: My arch nemesis since age 11, my main disorder agoraphobia. She keeps me from living my life, and interferes with nearly everything I do. Its because of her that I feel ashamed of my life - lack of life. Her main superpower and goal is to control my perception, and make the world seem overwhelming, and foreboding. My main goal in life is to live my life, despite her.

MAMA BEAR: my mom

SHADOW BOXER: My lil Romeow, who is in love with me. My very feral tuxedo kitty, who has a mind of his own. He plays tag with me, cant chew dry food properly, was obviously weaned too early, has OCD, bites, sleeps belly up, rolls his meows rrrrreow, licks me to death when hes being loving, and plays with dog toys. Hes also adorable, when he chooses to be. And he knows it.

CAPTAIN XANAX: My meds, that dont always work, but work better than anything else Ive taken. I keep him around for desperate emergencies only. I imagine this muscle bound disorder fighter in whitey tighties, with a slightly gay voice, and a white towel for a cape, pinned around his neck with a safety pin. Hes always waiting to help me fight off the evil Agoraphobitch.

PET PLANTS: I consider my plants to be pets. I always have, and always will. I name them, photograph them, and mourn them when I accidentally kill them.

BLUE: My favorite color of nailpolish.

NEIGHBORS: Drunken idiots...Senile.

JOSH: My best friend and insane writer dude. I think a vortex opened when I opened his first email to me on August 15th 2004. In so many ways, he is my other half. We have a ridiculous level of things in common with each other. He has granted me the status as an honorary Canadian. And I appreciate my AmeriCanuckishness to no end.

ERIC: My pirate pal. And my first internet amigo. Hes still the smartest guy I know. He put up with me through my emailing 4 times a day panic phase. I often wonder if he misses me writing to him pondering aloud, in type, whether to get the purple shoes, or the black ones. I still want him to teach me to waltz.

W: Well, he was my first boyfriend. Hopefully, once the pain subsides, hell be another best friend in my life, my pilot pal, I suppose. Hes loves flying, and is planning to leave next spring, to be a bush pilot. I admire, and long to feel the freedom with which he lives his life. There are too few people in this world who are like him, and who appreciate the things he appreciates. I liked him from the very first day we met, and have felt so proud just be near him. Needless to say, hes also the most gorgeous guy I know. Hes also a very intelligent, funny, creative, gentle, caring, work-aholic, Jelly Belly freak.

"B": my former English teacher and a dear person in my life who believes in me, feels better for seeing and knowing me, and told me she respects me *so* much....can't get much better than that, especially when it's mutual. :-)

MARY: The only other person Ive known who really does have agoraphobia. Unfortunately, odd jealousy springs up when one agoraphobic can manage to do something another agoraphobic wants to do but cantBut its because of her that I didnt give up on writing publicly, and subsequently met almost everyone else that I know.

KIMME: Shes been such a faithful friend, and has come so far in the time Ive known her.

HELEN: Shes been so kind, and supportive of me. I can talk about such things as anthroplogy, international to-dos, customs, languages, and relationships like I can with no one else.

QUEEN LEMON DROP THE 4TH OF THE PSYCHADELIC UNIVERSE They yellow baby spider living in my porch plants, Josh named her, not me. :-)

PRAYING MANTISES: my bug friends :-)

Im sure Ill add more, as I think of more to add

=*= one day i'll fly away =*=

most recent entries:

waving white flags - Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2017

yeah so, stuff is happening... - Monday, Sept. 18, 2017

my mind is on the blink - Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2017

How stupid of me - Saturday, Sept. 09, 2017

finally breaking down - Monday, Sept. 04, 2017